A simple, conservative connection ...
Ray & 'Bub' (Eileen) were the narrator's grandparents on 'the-mother's-side'. To the person on the street who saw them in their twilight years, they would have looked like a cute old couple dithering thru life's basic activities. The thing about 'old people' is that there is a long and rich history contained within and between them that you just can't access no matter how deep you dig.
It doesn't matter how many questions you ask or stories you listen to. No matter how open-minded you are or how much time you have. Some things just stay inside people and between people because they cannot be explained.
The simple things
To the narrator in teens and 20's, Ray & Bub were boring, conservative, and unimaginative. Looking back now they were wise, enlightened in their own way, and a wonderful role-model for love! Simplicity and ritual lay at the core of the way that they managed their interactions. Togetherness and separateness were key planks of their relationship. Differences were acknowledged and managed. Habits were negotiated and navigated.
The key to it all was connection. It is possible that a defining event (or series thereof) fused them together? The family skeleton that neither would ever allow to be spoken, was an alleged 'nervous breakdown' experienced by Ray at some point in the journey. It was clear that this time was both painful but pivotal. Ray was an extremely intelligent man and whatever happened to him, or pushed him into a very dark zone, impacted him profoundly. But he, and Ray & Bub, bounced back.
Adversity is forced exercise for the resilience 'muscle' ... he/she/they who rebound from significant or prolonged adversity, or approach insanity, are better humans in the long run.
'Life does not get easier or more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient'
Fare-welling Ray & Bub
The narrator rebelled against Bub's conservative nature and got an 'uncouth piercing'. It was a constant source of angst between us for many years prior to her death. Bub passed-away before Ray and was cremated. When Ray passed away he was buried, and Bub's ashes were entombed with him in his coffin. She never wanted to be buried ... we will never know whether her ashes being buried at a later date was not to her liking!
As the coffin containing their joint remains was lowered into the ground, the narrator removed the piercing ring (which had been central to Bub's disquiet) from his ear ... and threw it into the grave ... thus tying himself to them forever more. The significance of this did not become obvious for many years to come!
Footnote: the diamond stud deposited into the grave was a gift from the narrator's wife ... that is yet another story!
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