A Psychology Today article has some interesting insights into what children think about love. Their full answers can be read in the link above but here are some example responses.
These responses are from 3-5 y.o. children:
Special
A Heart
Balloons
Babies
Helping one another
Giving people a hug
Happy feelings
Not wanting someone to go away
Our experience of love starts out focused on things and people (external) but as we develop, and begin to experience things in a more emotional way, our understanding of love becomes increasingly internalised ... and based on our unique personal experiences and memories.
Single significant events can have a lasting impact on how we formulate our view of love. Even when we think we may have it all sorted out, something can come along and change the whole ball game.
After my 'introduction to love' (Chapter 1), a couple of years later (maybe around 10-11yo?) I can recall a love event that demonstrated the emotional content of love.
My father was cleaning up the garage and located an old 'reel-to-reel' movie/film projector one Saturday afternoon.
Among the cans of film was one marked 'Wedding'. My father announced to my mother, myself, and my two younger siblings that we would be having a movie night that evening and watching mummy & daddy get married. I, and no doubt my siblings, didn't really compute why this was a good thing other than from the excitement in my father's voice and actions. He spent a considerable part of the rest of the day readying the equipment and converting the lounge-room into a movie theatre of sorts.
I also recall clearly that my mother was far less enthusiastic about the evenings entertainment. Interestingly, neither of them had watched it before, which now with the benefit of hindsight I understand VERY clearly!
The viewing commenced and I remember being taken by the difference between the 'clean-cut' characters on the screen (louvre doors with a bed sheet strung over them) and the now 1970's versions of my parents. It was all proceeding calmly enough with my father doing his best impression of the yet to be created Darryl Kerrigan (The Castle) with his, 'doesn't your mother look lovely kids' et al. THEN came the vows!
My father went first ... do you take this woman? yada yada ... and a very clear I DO followed.
Then it was my mother's turn ... do you take this man? ... and nothing happened.
Now whether it was a problem with audio, my mother speaking softly, deterioration of the tape ... or any other plausible explanation (she must have said it otherwise the actual ceremony wouldn't have proceeded right?) ... anywho my father took it VERY personally and my mother became VERY defensive.
The tape was rewound several times, we kids were told to 'be quite', and they both listened intently from opposite sides of the room ... nothing. What ensued was a heated argument. We kids were all sent to bed very early on in proceedings and I listened to the escalating ruckus from my bed. The word love was used many times with a 'competitive connotation' attached. Who loved who more? Did one of them love the other at all?
Things then became broader and the 'H' word surfaced. X hated how Y always did Z. Y hated how X never did whatever. X's parents didn't want them to get married in the first place. Y's mother had always had it in for X ... and so it continued to deteriorate.
Meanwhile, I was left to reconcile all of this with my earliest introduction to love ...
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